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Love Me Tender/An Ungrateful Bastard
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7
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Oh..god...how had she known? He believed he'd mentioned their cessation
in
communication since he'd been sent an Eric Clapton tape...but even Eric
Clapton didn't deserve this.
Where had she found her?
The questions were purposeless. He put the pieces in his magi-mix, one
by
one, and poured them onto the magnolias. He buried the bony bits in the
cemetry accross the road and switched on "Celebrity Squares", hoping to
empty his mind.
It didn't work. He thought of the hand, how nice it had been to receive
it
and the excitement he had felt as he packaged the foot. It was a shame
she'd had to spoil everything.
Thinking of his first parcel reminded him of something. He fumbled in
his
coat pocket and extracted the letter the man in the pub had given him
with
the foot. It was slightly crumpled, and it smelt of sweat.
The paper was blank, except for a single sentence:
"WARNING: Do not cover item in blue glitter and post to unknown woman"
The full horror of his actions threw itself upon him. It seemed that all
of
this was his fault. Oh...why, oh why did he never read the operating
instructions before-hand?
It was just like the time he'd accidentally garrotted Aunty Beryl with
his
Talking Commando Action Man.
He decided not to think about it any more. He went and poured himself a
nice cup of tea, digging in the bin for the letter from Torquay. He read
it, sat down and started his reply:
"Dear Mum. Sorry not to have written for so long. Not enough time on my
hands. Love the Armanis. Hope the enclosed is of interest...
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