15th August 2002
Sillustrated by Katarina Karlsson
stout robin: You missed a bit...
"The other day a girl who works in the baths, showers and toilets department found a mini ladder with a suction pad which sticks to the inside of a bath so that spiders can climb out in safety. Aww! Itís so sweet!
Hereís an artist's impression of the spider ladder at work in a dramatic spider rescue!
* <=scared spider
|*| <=spider in dramatic rescue action
* <=happy spider!
JohaN HUGO: oh, you know, the usual stuff...
"ALSO, robin mentioned SPIDERS! now, could i tell you about spiders! no, seriously spiders THIS big, or actually, counting the legs (well, there'd be 8 wouldn't there? har-har) they'd be about THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS big. and very very hairy (scary!). well, i'm not ashamed of the spiders exactly (like crabs, they happen to the best of us. er... uhm they do right?), but finding this one on the front-door yesterday, i'm afraid i made rather a mess of things... it, to be exact. i know i know, NORMALLY i'd grab the nearest tupperware container and humanely remove it, but when it just conveniently crawls into the of the hinge while fetching said container, a swift slam of the door becomes mighty tempting (did i mention the size of this mo...edipus?)... well, i'm not proud of what i did, and was in fact brooding on it a little driving to work 10 minutes later, WHEN ANOTHER ONE STARTED CRAWLING OVER MY WINDSCREEN, ON THE INSIDE, ABOUT 20cm AWAY FROM MY HEAD! i tell you, thank goodness for red traffic-lights or the pile-up would have been something. i'm not really one for trashy horror of the "revenge of the arachnids"-type, or classy adaptations of the classics like "beowulf for baboon-spiders", but you know when you've got a bit of a guilty conscience... well, from my new-found position in the passenger-seat i tried to shoo it out the open window, only to have it drop on the driver's seat! just as everyone behind me's starting to hoot and everything to get my stalled car moving. the rest of the drive to work, with a now vanished but presumably pissed-off spider THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS size in my car was NOT FUNNY! anyway, so no-one eensy-weensy spider me for a while please!"
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