25th February 2002:
robin stout: Show us yer spuds! sillustrated by Katarina Karlsson
" I bet you're all dying to know about my potatoes, aren't you? Well, they've now spent a whole week sitting in a egg tray with their bottoms in the air in the hope that they'll sprout tails. So far the biggest one, which I've called Boris, has a stumpy little tail about 3mm long and the runt of the litter, Horace, only has a tiny 1mm one. Oh well, Horace, size doesn't matter. Honest, loads of people have told me that.
I squeeze my spuds every morning to make sure they're okay. Once all their tails are an inch long I'm going to plant them in the back garden, which I began to dig at the weekend. I haven't dug up the family pet that seems to be buried in the back garden, as I left an alsatian-sized space around the little wooden cross to be sure. Judging by the size of the cross though, I'd say that although it's definitely bigger than a hampster, and it can't be a goldfish (because, as we all know, goldfish heaven lies just around the U-bend) it's more likely to be a moggy or a terrier than an alsatian. But I thought I'd better be safe. "